Saturday, August 28, 2010

Zombies on My Mind

I just showed my mom the trailer for the The Walking Dead on AMC, and of course she doesn't get why I'm screaming over a Zombie show when she knows I'm a big ass scaredy cat.

When I was a kid I brought home a book on mummies from the library. I asked my dad what a mummy looked like. He made the most retarded face on earth, but I guess it was accurate because I started to cry.

In fact, let me go ask him to do the face right now.



Scary right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Whenever we speak of this story the only thing my mom has to say is... Dumb Ass.

Anyhoo, her enthusiasm for zombies is not shared, but she was able to sing along to the end of trailer, which was most helpful since I've been trying to find it.

It's haunting.... It's perfect! Below is the song and the trailer.




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Friday, August 27, 2010

The Pregnancy Dream

For the past three years I've been having to show up for work at 7:30AM and I seriously won't remember a single dream for months at a time. Last night I had the pregnancy dream that I have once every couple of years.

I look up the meaning of pregnancy dreams as soon as I wake up. All of the meanings that I read lead to the big change that awaits me, and truth be told, I am so afraid to leave my home. It's all that I've ever known, but this is exactly the reason why I should move in the first place.

Okay, I know why I'm stressed. It's because I've been in motherfucking panic mode. Every time I open my eyes I'm losing something big, and I can only hope the losses will not get any bigger. As the reality of my move reaches nearer, I feel like I'm putting myself in another state of panic.

The questions keep coming. How am I going to move there? What am I going to take? Will I have enough money when I get there. Am I healthy? What if something happens to me out there? What if something happens to my family while I am gone?

I'm adjusted to this anxiety, but I hate it. On top of that I have to hold in my feelings of contempt, pity, and rage so I can just get through the day without calling a list a people that deserve to be bitched out. So here come the crazy ass dreams again.

My baby. The one that I hope to have one day.

This time I am pregnant and in labor. I joke about not having kids all the time, and my mother has told me numerous times that I look weird and unnatural holding a child. I remember in my own dream being shocked to see myself pregnant. I remember touching my own belly and its hard, really hard, like I had just swallowed a watermelon.

Once every couple of years I have a pregnant dream, but I've never had a dream where I was in labor. This was very painful.

The dream starts with me in Los Angeles, where I've been living by myself and I some how get knocked up by a dude that looks like Akon. Yeah, I know don't ask. Akon looks like a troll and I would never in a million years beast him unless I was blind and he didn't tell me who he was.

Anyways, for some reason I am back in Daly City. I am in labor, but my stomach isn't very big so I must not be in full term. I feel the contractions. My Akon look alike babydaddy is a deadbeat, so my mother is helping me look for baby clothes at the prestigious Babies R Us off of Serramonte Blvd. Apparently, I'm in labor in Daly City without a single thing for my baby. It's foggy, it's cold, and I'm really starting to resent being knocked up in the city that I used to refer to as "fog hell."

I feel myself stressing and I'm alone on Serramonte Blvd, and then he shows up.

*sigh* He shows up with a stroller and this other stuff for a baby that is not his. I am so happy to see him. We look at each other, and he smiles at me in that signature expression that won me back every time. If you've ever read Eat Pray Love, he is the divorce. My whole marriage trajectory from the moment I was a little girl was supposed to be with him.

It didn't work out that way.

Why is he here? After everything that has happened why would he be here for me now? In his true random act of support he is there at my worst moment, but he was not there at my worst moments with him.

It's because my subconscious shedding memories. We lived together in Daly City. That's why he is here. He is in my dream because we abandoned our dreams together, and I cannot take the repercussions of it any longer. I've been grieving the loss of my monogamous yet tragic partner. My thoughts of him always bring up issues of failure. I failed, he failed, we failed, and now I'm leaving.

I'm awake now, and I'm committed to dealing with this. If I am truly lucky to be pregnant for real one day, I do not want it to be under this much stress. Who knows who the dad is going to be, and frankly it better not be Akon because my baby is for sure not going to look like a troll.

FunEmployment.


Well we all know that the past month has been fun fun fun!

No, you don't think so?

Since I've been back in SF, my mood is up and down depending on where I'm at in the city. I went to a club the other night, that just had too many familiar people and very recent memories. Crying in the bathroom would have been the dramatic thing to do, but I sucked it up like champ and drunk ate some tacos after.

Orale.

As much as I fantasize about my escape from the land of really tragic memories, the past couple of days have actually been a gift.

Although I've always snuck blogging into my work day, I can actually just wake up with a cup of coffee and write.

I've loved to write since the fifth grade, but I've been very insecure about my writing since I graduated college. I'm a comma assassin (I use too many to count), I have too many typos, I sometimes fuck up on grammar, my vocabulary is limited, I'm very unsure about sentence structure, and oh yeah I cuss a lot.

With all things that you love you have to work on them. I love that I can actually practice my writing, and I have the time for it. I'm almost done with the monologue that I have to write for our upcoming women's show. I've never written a full monologue before, but as I'm writing it I'm enjoying the true comedy of tragedy.

"TRAGIC and FRUSTRATING but you are dealing with it like a lion" says my friend Irene who is queen of the queendom that I reside.

This isn't tragic though. It's fun. It's really, really, fun. Trust me. It's super fun.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I just got a boner. A chilly boner.

The Walking Dead on AMC. Coming out on Halloween.

This my friends is #2 on my top three favorite comic books of all time, and the show looks so FACKING good. I got a boner. A chilly boner.

Dear San Francisco

Everything of who I am is in this city, but it's time for us to part.

I used to love you. We've been in and out of love for quite a while now.

I can't look over one shoulder anymore. I know you like the back of my hand, and you are so fucking beautiful I would be insane to leave you.

But I have to. It's time.

I promise I will be back. I need a a dream beyond us, but you have provided some of the best experiences I've ever had.

With you, I'm an artist, an activist, a youth advocate, and a best friend.

Why am I now the prodigal daughter?

I have to do this. If not, I will forever be lost in your complications.

Goodbye love. Beautiful Love.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Shit Drink Fuck Mixtape

"How can you grow up without music? It's like growing up without color."

The heart is linked to growth. My growth has a lot of color and a lot of music.

I'm liberating my ears from this day forth. I'm going to let myself listen to these damn songs.

I'm not going to let myself be bitter about how I felt about the people who inspired me to play these songs on repeat.

I'm sharing my best moments in love with all of you.... because they were great. Enjoy :)





































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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sunset Junction

Sunset Juction Street Fair was hella fun, but dude it was HOT. Hipsters and families roamed about. It was more chill than any SF street festival I've ever been to. I was sad we couldn't see any big bands play, but the whole vibe helped me fall in love with LA just a little.



Love it. Had to take a picture.


Dancing hot hipsters


Someone got a hat.



Bought this necklace while I was there cuz I'm emo


I bought this necklace for 5 bucks there also because it reminds me of my grandma chopping chicken.

To Pimpin Peace. Cuz Pimps Need Peace Too

Monday, August 16, 2010

Are You Dreaming about Catching Flies or Perhaps of all of the Yummy Dry Food You Can Eat?

My Choreography for the Bakla Show

I've been trying to upload the artist work that I've done in the past five years. Check out my choreography page when you get a chance. It's on the links on the side.

I've finally uploaded the videos from the Bakla Show. The piece that I choreographed was a visual interpretation of the Filipino creation story Malakas at Maganda. I never recorded the piece in its entirety, but here is what I have. Enjoy!





Monday, August 9, 2010

Pin-Up Girl Look by Johnny Lavoy

A Bootch that understands my problems!

‎"If there is life after death is heaven this cold?"


I recently revisited my love for the Boondocks. "Return of the King" is one of my favorite episodes, which featured this song "Wishing."

Imagine Dr. Martin Luther King. Imagine if he were alive. Close your eyes play this song, but first turn off BET ;)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Let Them Eat Cake. LSD Cake



I need to start having dreams like this, or maybe I should just start taking shrooms. When I have fantasies about being a rock star, it kinda looks like this. More Indian people please!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Things I've always wanted to do if I had time off.

  1. Learn to sew again.
  2. Travel.
  3. Write more.
  4. Teach workshops.

Oh Is That Right Bootch? You Got Chased by Two Teenage Hookers? Fascinating.... Really it is.

I had a dream last night that I was being chased with knife by two teenage hookers. That is right two teenage hookers. I'm in my car and one of them asks me if I "need company." She even shows me her boobies!

No this is a not a dream about my repressed Gayness.

In my dream I'm calling my "dream" boyfriend who has ditched me because he was mad at me for something, so I'm trying to call him while these hookers are bothering me.

Then teenage hooker #1 walks by my car again as her other hooker friend unlocks the passenger and she holds a knife to my face.

The hooker holding the knife needs to get something in her purse, cuz apparently this bitch needs her lipstick as she's trying to rob me. So I manage get out of my car and run. I'm running in the Mission. I stop from time to time to try to fight them off then I run again. Damn hookers run fast in dreams! How I manage to not get stabbed. I'm not sure, but I keep running my ass off . Then I wake up.

This is a bad combo of watching too much THS investigates on E!, the overthinking of the movie Inception, stress, and pornhub.