I thought I was smart in not traveling with my winter jacket because of the bulk, but I was actually stupid. I'm shivering in baggage claim in my Northwestern hoodie and eggplant pants. They lost my luggage in the Chicago Midway Airport. My good friend lets me borrow her eggplant colored jacket for the way home so I don't get hypothermia. I am the spitting image of Grimace .
I finally shuffle into my Evanston apartment, and I plop my tired head onto my couch after 12 hours of layovers and lines at three different airports. As my face buries into my pillow the first question I ask is, whew, where has my life gone? Hella dramatic, I know. But foreal- Am I doing life? Living life? Being life? What the fuck is life about !?!
Some time ago I read an interview that Lena Dunham did with Mindy Kaling , and it had me on the floor laughing. When asked about what she would like her legacy to be, Mindy Kaling said,
"She threw the most amazing parties and she had the most gorgeous and cheerful husband. Gay teenagers would dress up as her for Halloween. She seemed to have read every book, yet no one ever saw her reading. She had the appetite of an Olympic swimmer and the physique of an Olympic figure skater. She dressed like Chloë Sevigny and could fuck for hours. . ."When I read those words .... I was like - me too.
Why am I not throwing great parties?! No gay teen is going to want to dress like me if I look like grimace. How are they going to emulate an icon that spends most her days in sweats! Things are happening, they've always been happening, but I'm not content with the present state of things and I am eager to have my vibrancy back.
I really, really, really want to recharge. And not in that superficial neo/pretentious/hippie/new age type of way. It's the start of the new year and of course my eyes are being raped with everyone's fucking resolutions and inspirational quotes. I would love to start the year with a new version of myself, but as this ole girl has learned, you change with the times as the times will allow.
Here are just a few I'd like to just hold to my heart, so that I can recharge mentally.
1. The age deterrent: I'm not longer going to use my age as a means to justify anything or to even start a conversation. I'm seeing a lot of women my age do this and it's annoying. "Oh I'm almost 30 ... so I should do A, B, and C before babies..." Nope. My age will no longer determine the value of my worth, intelligence, looks, or reproductive organs.
2. Read a form of literature for pleasure: I'm told that six minutes of this will increase happiness substantially. So yes I need to read a fucking book. I used to love them. What happened?
3. Not eat like 13 year old boy: If I could do this for at least winter, I'll aiming for a less than craptastic body before summer.
4. Finish Shit: Like one thing at a time. I am notorious for having at least twenty tabs open, because I'm doing everything and finishing nothing. I've been functioning this way for the past five years and I'm morphing into an ADD kid that can't pay attention to anything.
5. Put it Down: I have an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I think I'm helping with managing time, but I'm not really managing shit. I'm looking at people's fly ass fashion, lives, thoughts, and food while I'm in my sweats procrastinating on work.
6. Envision and Plan: I need to make time out of my day to envision and plan for what it is that I truly want. My needs and aspirations are horribly short term, because of the things that I need to do for school. It will help me gain a healthy perspective of my life and the goals attached to them.
These are just some first week of New Year goals that I'd like to tackle, in addition to my quest to help humanity and all of its flaws.
Happy New Year everyone.
