Power.

They say that you can't always have what you want, at the time that you want it.  This is not the same for art. In art, you can have exactly what you want, at exactly the time that you want it. All you need is enough passion, preparation, and vision.

Yesterday, was my second film shoot ever. I prepared my ass off to write, produce, and direct this simple six page horror script. I got home at around midnight, slept at 1:00,  and I woke up a few hours later in tears.  I haven't gone back to sleep yet. 

I don't have my people with me, the ones that have known me for the past decade or beyond, and just know what I need.  I have to convince fairly new friends and colleagues to trust my vision.  I didn't achieve  that today. 

By no means am I a Svengali, and I never aim to be, but I had this revelation with my partner the other day, and I haven't been able to shake it.  I told him I feel like I've been chasing power all of my life, and I never really have it.  

Except. When I'm making my art.  In these moments,  I forget all of the negative energy that holds me back and I create a "symphony." 

Whether it's been with writing, dance, or directing I just know in my gut when I have the symphony. I know when I created the piece that defines my creed, desires, and being.  I think with this particular production I just worked on,  I was hoping for that moment, but it fell flat.

Each venture is practice for something greater if you learn from it. Three hours later from since I woke up, I'm still collecting my data.  I have to remember that it was absolutely to my benefit to be this far away from the familiar to work on my craft. Without distraction and interruption,  I often have the best learning stride. Although I miss home terribly. I just need to be patient.  I'll be able to communicate my vision better soon. It'll take more practice. 

Grad School Life: Winter Addition

So gone are the days of being a glamourpuss.

This winter quarter has been super kicking my ass.  It just started off all bad....

I came back to school with a kidney stone. If you've never pass one, just imagine someone stabbing you from the inside. I got it removed, but there were a lot of complications.  The nurses told me the pain of a kidney stone is worse than a childbirth.

Send me a baby. I'm ready mofo.

I'm in the playwriting phase of my program, which has taken me into dark places. My professor is a provocateur and a darling in the playwriting world.

His class has definitely has encouraged me to go as dark as I've imagined. The snow and the short winter days have given me horror movie thoughts. Man, just looking at my face in this pic is so telling. I've started to worry about my mental health as well as my physical being. I hope I don't have a Jack Nicholson moment a la The Shining. 

I've spent the morning committing to more solution based thoughts.  Finishing this program is a monumental accomplishment, but I need to find happiness while I'm here. I want to enjoy the limited time I have here.

Sharing is Caring

Today I was reading tweets from a blogger whom I absolutely LOVE,  and I was ready to jump after her after she threatened to commit blog suicide. This word "over sharing" has been used a lot lately when it comes to bloggers and social media, but hello, everyone is doing it.

Whether is snarky thoughts about your bitch room mate, complaining about your coffee, 500 pics of your dog, twenty videos of your baby,  I've accepted that if I have access to you online. I'm going to know it all.  Give it to me. I need another baby video.

I've actually had the opposite problem of not having shit to share on my blog.  Maybe on the real,  I'm gun shy for the vary reason my girl wants to commit blog suicide.  The down side of the internet is that everyone is a fucking expert. As fly as I am, an off color comment will send me scarfing four rows on oreos.

I love blogs! Political blogs, mommy blogs, celebrity blogs, cat blogs. Give me MORE. I love all of the endless info. Who knows if I'll have kids,  but reading homegirl's mom blog was insightful, because she's trying to be a writer as well as raising a family. Sigh, I can't jump after her. C'est la vie.

If any of you have learned something about my dumb ass life that put things into perspective, we must be like minded and fab. Blogging is an edited moment, thought, and it will fly away in people's minds until they read something else that catches their attention.

I just don't have the attention to write about my boring ass life, but I want to try harder. I need to relieve the load that chatters in my brain.

Oh Hello

I've been a little light on the posting this year.  I wish I could say I had good reason for it, but I have nothing to say. I can't be a beauty or fashion blogger right now. I'm too broke to buy clothes, and being back in college mode has not created the best fashion choices. Basically the world is not allowed to see me right now. I'm a hot ass mess.

If I make to class with matching clothes and a little bit of makeup,  then my day has been awesome!

As mentioned in previous posts, I've been writing my ass off. I wrote, directed, and edited a short film, which was something I never thought I would do. Although I have an Ethnic Studies thesis in my mind,  for every moment that I'm misunderstood in my program, I try to flip so that I don't take the experience for granted.

I keep reminding myself that I'm creating characters that I need to be seen on the screen, the losers who are dying to be champions, and the misfits who are unaware of the glory ahead of them.

I just keep reminding myself that Tarantino wrote the first draft of Reservoir Dogs in three weeks. The key word in this sentence is "draft," which means you gotta just get it done before it can be gold.

Mastering the Skill

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

When I was a young kid, writing and dancing were my skills.  To clarify, they were not my passions they were my skills.

I used to think that dancing was my stronger skill, because it was the first to become a passion. I spent a number of years training and obsessing, and eventually it killed my spirit. Sadly, I no longer dance.

Fast forward to the present. I'm here mastering another skill turned passion. Although I am afraid I will reach the same plateau that I did in dancing, the possibility of mastering this skill is substantially more tangible.

Unlike dancing, it is okay for me to access a dark and sad part of my mind. This part of me does not sabotage my writing like it did with dancing.

I'm grateful for the years that I was lost and weary, the loves that broke my heart, and the interesting childhood happenings that weighed down my mind. It was all fueling something bigger in my life, and I wasn't ready for it until now.

I love my graduate program right now. My class is amazingly talented and down to earth. I love hanging out with them and talking about ideas. Nothing ever seems too crazy or too strange, and I love that we all help each other in making it work. I don't know if I'll ever get this camaraderie at writing table for a T.V show, movie, or whatever I decide to do after this. I'm doing my best to stay present and enjoy the time, and dedicating my life to mastering my skill.

Chi-Town: Story Begins

Jesus.... I can't believe a month passed by so quickly!

So as soon as I wrote that entry I got a job as  production assistant in Los Angeles for a film, which pretty much took up all of my time for the last month I was in Los Angeles.  It was a job that was jam packed and full of to-dos from start to finish. Sadly, there was no looking pretty or inspiring make up posts to share. I've been on autopilot for the past five weeks.

Then, I'm in Chicago. Correction, Evanston, IL.

You know those scenes in movies where planes are passing over a the protagonist? They are dreaming and then the plane sounds wake them sudden and their eyes open. Well my eyes opened this morning in another state all by myself.  The first thing I looked at was the floor, filled with all my clothes, shoes, and what nots. It was assuring that I had a purpose for today, and not obsess over the fact that for a couple of days, hopefully less, I will be completely alone.

Prior to this morning, I was very loved by friends, family, and him.

Last night I said good bye to the very handsome man who helped me get here. I focused on his white t-shirt as he walked toward security check, and I couldn't fight the tears gushed through my eyeballs.  As I stomped away from the terminal to the CTA, and I focused fiercely on myself and remembering to be brave and positive.

Now, it's time to write.

One More Month To Go: Pep Talk

I have one month before I leave for Chicago.  If I sit still long enough I start to shiver. What if this is a fluke? Maybe I'm not ready for grad school, I'm not a writer,  and Northwestern is going to send me home as soon as they read my stuff.  How the fuck did I get into this prestigious college? Then in my head I slap myself in the face, shake my shoulders, and scream "Get it together Christina!"

You got your ass kicked, got up, and asked for help. With enough preparation, focus, and determination you took the proper steps that were needed to get into school. The last decade may seem a blur, but it nothing happened in vain.  Nothing about this is an accident. You are a creative, and you picked the right program. Soon, very soon, we will have to pack our things and leave Los Angeles.

The Nail Diaries

Finances have been a little tight the past couple of months so, my bi-monthly splurge of gel manicure is dunzo.

If you take a look at the blue nail polish with my name ring, those are my hands in their greatest glory, perfectly gel manicured.

The ones on the top left are a slight cooler version of the lee press on nails, and I will admit Pussy Cat doll Nicole Scherzinger the spokes person, was the final sell for me >_< but sad to say they don't last long.

To satisfy my urge for fun nails on a budget, Sally Hansen Salon effects nail stickers have either been just as good as a gel manicure or a hot ass mess.

The blue leopard pictures lasted for ten days and the gold victorian print lasted for three. Tragedy!

However, they are the best alternative. if you follow the instructions exactly and put on a clear top coat.

If you get one of those cheap cuticle cutters from Walgreens, you're or step closer to feeling like a rich girl again with an expensive looking manicure :)

Frank Ocean "Coming Out"

I've been having the strangest feelings since Frank Ocean "came out." I agree with the likes of many intellectuals that he is not the "gay rap artist" that the media has labeled him to be, but instead,  here is an amazing artist that has arrived at this present moment as his true self.

In terms of fully exploring and honoring the situation, only journalist Dream Hampton and NPR's Ann Powers have actually eloquent and thoughtful articles about Frank Ocean. Otherwise there have just been a lot of stupid assumptions about what his "coming out " means, and I even watched an episode of Chelsea Lately that made me want to kill a bitch, because of the things that were being said about him.

The whole thing just brings up weird feelings from the past.

I met my gay best friend in high school, and it was during a time where I was a basically a social pariah.  I was coming out of an abusive relationship, and I had spent most of my Freshman and Sophomore year in high school secluded and without friends.  And then I met him. Two peas in a pod. He came out to me in his car and I revealed to him that I was broken and needed repair. We arrived at that moment as our true selves. It was beautiful. 


So as all this media hoopla about Frank Ocean, has had me very maternal about the situation.  I don't want anyone to hurt him.  His life experience has added some of the beautiful layers that I've ever heard in music.

This one in particular, "Bad Religion," brought me to tears.

Tea Party

My pretty mom. 

For my 30th birthday I wanted to do something with all my girlfriends, and I knew that I wanted it to be a theme party.

Earlier this year I had wanted to do a big blow out in Vegas, but the closer that it go to my birthday I was over that idea. So I thought that a theme party would be both fun and chill.

I got this idea for a theme party from my cousin in Australia, who had thrown a roaring 20's theme party for her 21'st birthday, and I was so freaking jealous! Everyone at her party arrived so fabulous and they looked like they were having the time of their lives. 


I wanted to do something equally classy and fun.... then I thought... TEA PARTY! 


My mom has the perfect house and backyard for the event,  so I decided to have it there.  We set up her deck with tons of flowers and my best friend Ann brought all kinds of tea sets.  The day was so beautiful and sunny, and watching everyone arrive in their beautiful outfits ands, just made the experience awesome.  When one plans a high tea event, it's important to make the experience as regal, but as fun as possible.

The Butch didn't want to show up in a dress,
but she looked made fierce ;)

MUST wear fancy dress, hat, and gloves.  I was kind of a hard ass about the dress code, but my pushy Polly ways had everyone dressed amazing. I searched different blogs and images, and I sent them to my guests so that they had inspiration for what to wear. 


My outfit is thrifted, and I was able to borrow this fabulous hat from girl Joi who's a stylist in LA. I called my look "Sweating like a whore in church," for a its sort of jezebel meets high society inspiration :) 

Tips for throwing a Fabulous Tea Party:

1. Do you research: When I looked on the internet for ideas, I saw that people all around the world have their own interpretation of what a tea party is. It's up to you whether or not you want an exact copy of the English High Tea experience.

2. Don't be afraid of lavish decadence, because you can do it on a budget: Luckily my mom had some time to shop for some things, and she bought a lot of her serving plates at Marshalls.  My BFF's mom had tons of tea sets just waiting to be used. 


3. Invite ladies that you love and are willing to participate a 100%: A lot of us girls played tea party when we were young. I think most of us get so bogged down by every day life and for one day of the year, it's never too much to ask them to be a part of the pretend :) 


We were definitely NOT using Royal High Tea etiquette, but to see your homegirls cuss in fancy dresses is an experience in itself.

4. Keep the food and drink simple:  My has been to high tea before, so she pretty much knew what to do. Because high tea is in the middle of the day, it's good to keep the food light.  My mom made cucumber and egg sandwiches, with some mozzarella and tapenade  bruschetta.  She added some gazpacho as well, and it got great reviews!  Of course you need tea! But spiked tea is also awesome. My BFF makes this awesome cold sweet tea cocktail with tea, vodka, and agave. It keeps the party going, while remaining classy and fly at the same time.

5. Truly enjoy your company: Every single woman who attended, has been a part of a huge milestone of my life. I've been friends with most of them for over a decade now. All I kept saying to them was "This is the best day ever!!!!" Of course I was having flashbacks of myself as a little girl playing dress up, of being this exact age :)

Thanks to all my girls that truly made this day an awesome birthday :)

20 Going on 30

Left 20 Right 30

So I'm 30. Wtf I just graduated high school. I can't be 30.

These thoughts sent me into a major freak out the week before my birthday, and wanted to run out the door screaming and crying.


Well I'm glad I didn't run, because my actual birthday was pretty awesome.  I didn't quite have the clarity that I wanted, but amount of love and fun that I got for that whole week was enormous.

In approaching this new decade, I'm going to make some promises to myself that I wished I did when I was turning 20. I wanted to do one of those 30 things to have and know by the time your 30 list, but I don't really have that much wisdom right now. So I'll try with 5 things.

1. I'm going take it easy on myself, because a mistake is not the end of the world. I've learned that there is a second chance.... almost ALWAYS.

2. Love is a battlefield and not an Armageddon. There is life after a breakup.

3. Beauty is awesome, obsessing over it is ugly.

4. Quit with that half glass empty shit. Pom pom parties are better than pity parties.

5. Dude. Have fun. Really. Have as much fun as possible, you have nothing to prove to anyone.

Smokey Eye and Big Hair: Urban Decay Naked Palette

The Perfect Smokey Eye by boothebootch featuring urban decay eyeshadow

The Urban Decay eye shadow palette has been the bane of my existence.

I was really excited when I first bought it, but as time went on I found that the colors were not as awesome as I hoped they would be.

The palette has a bunch of colors that would look great on any skin tone, but it just didn't go well with mine. Or so I thought.

I decided to make a plan of attack, cuz god forbid I wasted $50 on an eye shadow palette,

So I bought better brushes and watched a couple of youtube tutorials, and I think I've found eye shadow success!

For years I've been working on my smokey eye, but there was really no technique to it. All I did was fill my lids with black shadow, without any sort of blending or layering. I looked like a raccoon by the end of the night. It wasn't until I found this video below that I finally had an "aha" moment with my makeup, and I achieved success!

Homegirl in the video is using the Naked 2 palette, which I heard is so much better. However, I used the colors on the Naked palette in the same order as she demonstrated, and my eyes were the best that they've ever looked. Be sure to have a lot of eye shadow primer. I used M.A.C prep and prime eye

The tools that I listed in my Polyvore collage are most of the tools that are in the video. Of course I did some contouring to my face to add to the effect of the look.


As for my hair, I cannot find the original video that I used to learn how to do "Kim Kardashian" hair. I remember I did the look for my homegirl for a wedding, but big hair cannot be achieved without velcro rollers. The video below is the closest to what I do for my hair, except I tease the crown a bit before I put the rollers in for that extra Jersey effect.

My hair is super long, so to get the sex bomb hair takes about an HOUR. However, I love sporting this style for special occasions. Once you get it right you feel instantly sexy, like Jessica Rabbit sexy :)  As they say, the bigger your hair... the closer you are to god.

Hustle Bootch

Today was an anxious day.  When I have days like this I usually need a couple of hours to mope, which usually includes reading gossip blogs, some T.V, and perhaps spending an hour staring at the ceiling.  You know, crazy girl stuff.

I haven't had one of these days in a long time. Since February my days have been on over drive and I've been walking in a daze. I rarely have control how the days move anymore, and I've been looking for an opportunity to make sense of it all. I've seriously been having so much fun this whole time, but today was a rude stop to the joy.

I can feel the universe's test. It wants to see if I will panic.  That's when I decided to read emails that I wrote about five years ago to my boyfriend who I was living with at the time. As I started to read down the letters, I saw that I always in a constant state of panic. I worried about us all the time.

I'm still fucking worried all the time, but at least I have a couple of ways to cope with the stress. Nothing is more important than my own integrity.

I digress. Today was a shitty day, but I finally got my mind back into my body. It's been in the clouds for quite some time now.  I don't want to go back to be worried all the time, but a little fire up my ass would do me some good.

positive. reflect. forgive. repeat. 

Budget Bardot

Bardot by boothebootch featuring beauty products

One of the benefits of having long hair is that I can finally get that perfect bed head look that I love so much.

In my perfect fantasy I'm stepping out of my car during high noon as I whip my hair from side to side stopping traffic!

Yeah no... it's not like that in real life :(

But there's an aspect of my personality that tries to summon Brigitte Bardot. It's a fun look to do especially when you instantly need to feel hot, when you've haven't been feeling pretty all day.

Everyone relates to Bardot for her effortless sexuality and beauty.

 It contradicts a new phase in beauty, which is just way to much effort and time. I blame the Kardashians. Although I can't stop watching them >_<

In this particular picture I was super pissed off at my bangs. They were growing out and I spent about an hour trying to figure how I was gonna leave the house without blowing a gasket. So my answer was to clip them back and tease the shit out of the crown of my head. I half hazardly curled the ends, did a smokey eye, and voila I can leave the house!

Things to note that I did for this look: A conventional comb and a shit ton of hairspray will keep your hair bed sexy steady. I did some contouring to my face before I did my eyes. If I had more time I would have set my hair in velcro rollers and then teased. Oh, and add some fake eyelashes to finish the look :)

Below is a great video that I found to help you with the look.  The woman below actually sort of looks like Brigitte Bardot, which is kind of cool.  Of course I follow Projface on youtube. She uses the Wet N Wild comfort zone palette in a lot of her looks, and I often look to her smokey eye tutorial to get tips on how to do a pull it off with an Asian face.

Both women give an awesome tutorial. Enjoy!

Art Analysis: Kiss V Roy Lichenstein

When I was at the Chicago Art Institute during a recent trip, I was in the museum store trying to looking for something "cool" to take home. I saw the Roy Lichenstein Kiss V print in the store, and although I had seen this image a countless times,  I was immediately drawn to it. It impacted me differently since I had last seen it.

Well now I realize that it was positioned the wrong way in the store.... LOL

I've been looking at this print for the past month, wondering why it looks like the man is swallowing the woman's face.

If you take a look at how it's supposed to be (on the computer) and I how I had it on my desk, you get a very different feeling from it.  The woman on the left is clearly a victim of heartbreak, and has a more sexist connotation.

Wow, but if you just change the angle slightly suddenly the gender dynamic is more equal in the painting.  In my perspective, the woman on the left has succumbed to man's choice to leave her. She is devastated, and her man dips her and cradles her as if she were a child.

Now take a look to the right. The decision to end their love appears more mutual. As if these two have done all they could, but it's just not right at this moment. That's exactly what I was thinking before I purchased this print, and it was the image that I needed to see to inspire the two characters for a play that I'm working on.

I don't think I would have bought the print if it were positioned the right way, simply because I identify more with the woman on the right than I do on the left.  Most importantly because I would never let a dude dip me.

When I look at the painting to the right, it evokes more emotion for myself and my characters. It makes me wonder what these two went through that made them decide that there was nothing else that they could do. I feel their charge every time I look at them.

Why had their love run its course? It's obvious they have completely surrendered. No couple surrenders in this way, unless they've done everything that they could to save it.

Don't you think this is a more interesting story than being dumped and dipped like a jackass?

I think I'm going to keep it the way that I had it.  It's funny how a change of angle can change how you feel about a story.