Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Why Women Have Sex
Another reason why I love twitter. Reposted Q&A for TIME magazine by Alyssa Fetini interviewing co-author of "Why Women Have Sex" David Buss
While figuring out what women want has stumped men for centuries, understanding how they think about sex may have just gotten easier. Cindy Meston and David Buss, psychologists at the University of Texas, interviewed over 1,000 women around the world for their book Why Women Have Sex and managed to come up with 237 reasons, ranging from the predictable — commitment — to the puzzling — curing a headache. Spoiler alert: love may be further down on the list than one might think. TIME spoke to Buss about the myriad mind games, turn-ons and turn-offs involved in female sexuality, and what a guy can do to stand a chance.
You co-authored a famous 2007 study "Why Humans Have Sex." Why focus on women this time around?
We discovered that women's sexual psychology turned out to be far more complex than we envisioned. [It] deserved an entire book-length treatment.
What differences between men and women did you notice?
There are important gender differences in sexuality, but these must be interpreted within the context of a high level of similarity. Both women and men have sex because they are physically attracted to the person, for pure pleasure, because they are in love, or simply because they are horny. But within the overall similarity, I'd say women's sexuality tends to be more linked with love and emotional bonding. Women, more than men, like sex when there's some kind of emotional connection. Men were more likely to have sex simply because the opportunity presented itself. Women tend to be pickier, especially for short-term sexual encounters. And men are more motivated to have sex to boost their status among their peers, although some women in our study also had sex for precisely this reason.
What are the main reasons why women have sex?
The most frequent reasons include: sexual attraction to the person, the desire for physical pleasure, to express affection, to express their love for a person or because they were sexually aroused and wanted release.
Other important reasons are to boost their self-esteem or sexual esteem, to get revenge, to secure "mate insurance" in case a partner dumps them, to relieve pain, to achieve health benefits such as getting rid of a headache — yes, it works — to decrease stress, to lose weight and as a sleep aid. We devote one chapter to "sexual economics," which focuses on all the ways in which women have sex as an exchange for other benefits, such as getting her partner to take out the garbage, securing free dinners or getting expensive gifts. We also devote one chapter to what we call "the dark side" of women's sexuality — when women have sex because they were deceived, coerced or forced into it.
Any particularly surprising findings?
I was surprised by the importance of revenge. A few had sex in order to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease. More commonly, women's revenge sex involved getting back at a cheating partner, or having sex with the partner of a friend who had poached her partner. Actually, the frequency of mate-poaching also surprised me — the frequency with which women try to lure men who are already "taken," either for a short-term sexual liaison or a longer-term relationship. Most women have experienced mate-poaching in one form or another, either as the mate poacher or as the victim.
How does evolution explain some of these complexities?
Sexual attraction often boils down to what Darwin called "female choice." Modern women are the descendants of a long and unbroken line of ancestral mothers who made wise sexual choices. As descendants of these successful women, modern women carry with them the sexual psychology — the ancestral wisdom — that led to the success of their female forebears. So women find cues to health, status and protection to be sexually attractive. These are all qualities that led to better survival and reproductive outcomes.
On the competition side, evolution by selection is an inherently competitive process. It's a cliché that "the good men are all taken, permanent bachelors or gay." And there's some truth to this. The number of truly desirable and available men is limited. So women are in sexual competition with other women for access to the most desirable men. Modern women are the descendants of ancestral mothers who succeeded in besting other women in these sexual competitions.
What physical features do women tend to find most attractive in men?
Body is important to women. Women are sexually attracted to men with a V-shaped torso, or a high shoulder-to-hip ratio, and men who are taller than average. Interestingly, women do not like muscle-bound men, and men misperceive how muscular women want them to be. The face is also critical. A symmetrical face is a health cue, as are a good head of hair and masculine features such a strong jaw and a deep voice. Women generally don't find feminine-looking or feminine-sounding men to be sexually attractive.
What advice could you give to the men out there not blessed with Michael Phelps' torso and George Clooney's face? What can they do to stay in the game?
Have good hygiene. Sense of smell is critical. A man who smells bad, or who has bad breath — that can be a sexual kill switch for women. Interestingly, women have a keener sense of smell than men, so men are sometimes oblivious to how bad they smell to women. A man's scent conveys critical information to women about a man's health status.
The other thing to note about what women find sexually attractive centers on cues that convey personality, sense of humor, self-confidence and social status. These things can transform an average-looking man into a sexually attractive man in the minds of many women.
While figuring out what women want has stumped men for centuries, understanding how they think about sex may have just gotten easier. Cindy Meston and David Buss, psychologists at the University of Texas, interviewed over 1,000 women around the world for their book Why Women Have Sex and managed to come up with 237 reasons, ranging from the predictable — commitment — to the puzzling — curing a headache. Spoiler alert: love may be further down on the list than one might think. TIME spoke to Buss about the myriad mind games, turn-ons and turn-offs involved in female sexuality, and what a guy can do to stand a chance.
You co-authored a famous 2007 study "Why Humans Have Sex." Why focus on women this time around?
We discovered that women's sexual psychology turned out to be far more complex than we envisioned. [It] deserved an entire book-length treatment.
What differences between men and women did you notice?
There are important gender differences in sexuality, but these must be interpreted within the context of a high level of similarity. Both women and men have sex because they are physically attracted to the person, for pure pleasure, because they are in love, or simply because they are horny. But within the overall similarity, I'd say women's sexuality tends to be more linked with love and emotional bonding. Women, more than men, like sex when there's some kind of emotional connection. Men were more likely to have sex simply because the opportunity presented itself. Women tend to be pickier, especially for short-term sexual encounters. And men are more motivated to have sex to boost their status among their peers, although some women in our study also had sex for precisely this reason.
What are the main reasons why women have sex?
The most frequent reasons include: sexual attraction to the person, the desire for physical pleasure, to express affection, to express their love for a person or because they were sexually aroused and wanted release.
Other important reasons are to boost their self-esteem or sexual esteem, to get revenge, to secure "mate insurance" in case a partner dumps them, to relieve pain, to achieve health benefits such as getting rid of a headache — yes, it works — to decrease stress, to lose weight and as a sleep aid. We devote one chapter to "sexual economics," which focuses on all the ways in which women have sex as an exchange for other benefits, such as getting her partner to take out the garbage, securing free dinners or getting expensive gifts. We also devote one chapter to what we call "the dark side" of women's sexuality — when women have sex because they were deceived, coerced or forced into it.
Any particularly surprising findings?
I was surprised by the importance of revenge. A few had sex in order to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease. More commonly, women's revenge sex involved getting back at a cheating partner, or having sex with the partner of a friend who had poached her partner. Actually, the frequency of mate-poaching also surprised me — the frequency with which women try to lure men who are already "taken," either for a short-term sexual liaison or a longer-term relationship. Most women have experienced mate-poaching in one form or another, either as the mate poacher or as the victim.
How does evolution explain some of these complexities?
Sexual attraction often boils down to what Darwin called "female choice." Modern women are the descendants of a long and unbroken line of ancestral mothers who made wise sexual choices. As descendants of these successful women, modern women carry with them the sexual psychology — the ancestral wisdom — that led to the success of their female forebears. So women find cues to health, status and protection to be sexually attractive. These are all qualities that led to better survival and reproductive outcomes.
On the competition side, evolution by selection is an inherently competitive process. It's a cliché that "the good men are all taken, permanent bachelors or gay." And there's some truth to this. The number of truly desirable and available men is limited. So women are in sexual competition with other women for access to the most desirable men. Modern women are the descendants of ancestral mothers who succeeded in besting other women in these sexual competitions.
What physical features do women tend to find most attractive in men?
Body is important to women. Women are sexually attracted to men with a V-shaped torso, or a high shoulder-to-hip ratio, and men who are taller than average. Interestingly, women do not like muscle-bound men, and men misperceive how muscular women want them to be. The face is also critical. A symmetrical face is a health cue, as are a good head of hair and masculine features such a strong jaw and a deep voice. Women generally don't find feminine-looking or feminine-sounding men to be sexually attractive.
What advice could you give to the men out there not blessed with Michael Phelps' torso and George Clooney's face? What can they do to stay in the game?
Have good hygiene. Sense of smell is critical. A man who smells bad, or who has bad breath — that can be a sexual kill switch for women. Interestingly, women have a keener sense of smell than men, so men are sometimes oblivious to how bad they smell to women. A man's scent conveys critical information to women about a man's health status.
The other thing to note about what women find sexually attractive centers on cues that convey personality, sense of humor, self-confidence and social status. These things can transform an average-looking man into a sexually attractive man in the minds of many women.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Honest Thoughts with Aivy
me: what do you think of this dress
Aivy: it looks like a spa towel
me: BAHAHAHAHAHA. i'm blogging that one
Aivy: it looks like a spa towel
me: BAHAHAHAHAHA. i'm blogging that one
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
I prayed to an angel @ Soul Slam on Saturday
Best party ever. Next time. Flask in my fannpack for when the bar closes. Tuesday crew was reppin. So good. So. good.
Friday, September 18, 2009
NYC Freewrite Part 2
Saturday:
I figure I should write about the rest of my New York trip, before it becomes irrelavent. I guess I'll get to the good part when I finally at the Arroz con Pollo that I've been waiting for all year. Last year I was watching a Bobby Flay Throwdown episode and the featured challenge was La Fond Boricua in Harlem. I've had Arroz con Pollo Mexican style, but this particular one looked like heaven. So I tried to make it and it became so Arroz con NO NO.
Deceptively it looks good, but there was a lot of special Puerto Rican spices that were missing. They just have proper sofrito stuff in Filipino ass Daly City. Plus I slightly burned the rice, and the whole thing was like Chick Cacciatore on rice. Arroz con Pollo fail.
Now take a look at exhibit two. The real thing. The holy grail. *cue angels singing* So pretty so perfect.
After Despo and Chelle let me have my happy moment in Harlem. We went back to Manhattan to go to this spot called Bob's. The music was cool. Too bad there were a bunch of folks there that didn't know how to dance to it. Yeah I was hating, but me and Chelle got our bay area swag on we danced the shit out of that night. I notice that New York nightlife is super ADD. Folks don't seem to stay at a spot for very long, because there are so many other clubs near by, and everything closes at 4AM. It was the hunt for the right vibe, crowed, music, and drinks. Chelle and I decided to take a shot at every spot that we went to, damn it, why did Patron have to cost $11 a shot. Ouch.
This was the song of the night for sure. I don't if it's because it's his new song, but it perfectly complimented my thoughts and mood.
I passed out in a vogue pose. On the bed. I woke up about three hours later. Ouch. No sleep till Brooklyn.
I figure I should write about the rest of my New York trip, before it becomes irrelavent. I guess I'll get to the good part when I finally at the Arroz con Pollo that I've been waiting for all year. Last year I was watching a Bobby Flay Throwdown episode and the featured challenge was La Fond Boricua in Harlem. I've had Arroz con Pollo Mexican style, but this particular one looked like heaven. So I tried to make it and it became so Arroz con NO NO.
Deceptively it looks good, but there was a lot of special Puerto Rican spices that were missing. They just have proper sofrito stuff in Filipino ass Daly City. Plus I slightly burned the rice, and the whole thing was like Chick Cacciatore on rice. Arroz con Pollo fail.
Now take a look at exhibit two. The real thing. The holy grail. *cue angels singing* So pretty so perfect.
After Despo and Chelle let me have my happy moment in Harlem. We went back to Manhattan to go to this spot called Bob's. The music was cool. Too bad there were a bunch of folks there that didn't know how to dance to it. Yeah I was hating, but me and Chelle got our bay area swag on we danced the shit out of that night. I notice that New York nightlife is super ADD. Folks don't seem to stay at a spot for very long, because there are so many other clubs near by, and everything closes at 4AM. It was the hunt for the right vibe, crowed, music, and drinks. Chelle and I decided to take a shot at every spot that we went to, damn it, why did Patron have to cost $11 a shot. Ouch.
This was the song of the night for sure. I don't if it's because it's his new song, but it perfectly complimented my thoughts and mood.
I passed out in a vogue pose. On the bed. I woke up about three hours later. Ouch. No sleep till Brooklyn.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
NYC Freewrite Part 1 from 9th Street Espresso East Village
Thursday Night:
I love coming here. This time around I get to spend time with local folks. Michelle and Despo have been kind enough to let me stay at their wonderful condo in Bronxville. Apparently Beyonce and Jay Z have a house that is close by. These two know the key to my heffer heart, as they follow chefs like fashionistas follow designers. They are in the know of what is good to eat, and which restaurant just opened and closed. At a moments notice these two can pick a spot that will fit your palate and your budget. In a town where there is someplace to eat at every corner, I am easily impressed that these two are so in the know.
They took me to Momofuku owned by the famous David Chang. He was featured in an episode of No Reservations, and apparently has a cult following here in NYC. Famous for pan asian dishes without falling in the dreadful category of white washed "fusion" I heard he makes about $300,000 a year on his pork buns alone, which is his most famous dish. Man, once I had a bite. I shook my head. I having a Chinese pork bun made by a Korean and I'm not even mad :) It's that good. His ramen is the closet that I've had since I've been back from Tokyo. He got the flavor and the noodles right. The only thing that was missing was the special hot sauce. Definitely memorable. We went to his bakery after dinner. As if I had any room. His cakes and icecreams are different. Cereal milk flavored soft serve ice cream? It literally tasted like I just finished a bowl of frosted flakes. His chocolate chip cake though... ooooh so good. Yellow cake. YUM. I am now a fan of David Chang.
Friday:
Started with pizza in the Bronx at Jaspers. Flat bread pizza with no sauce. Just garlic and cheese and with herbs, different but yum. Walked around SOHO. Bought a dress that is gonna set me back in my finances, but hey I can't get that dress in SF. Resolution #1 when I get back to SF I need to treat my bank account better. After SOHO went to NYC MOMA which is free on Fridays after 5PM. Ridiculously crowded, but I got to see all of my favorites, Rivera, Kahlo, Warhol, Van Gough, and Matisse. After MOMA went to meet up with my girl Rosa in the East Village. I haven't seen this girl in 6 years, but she is still as energetic and vivacious as the day we first met. I joke that it's weird to see her as this woman with all this sexual magnetism, cussing like a sailor with such New York intensity. Apparently a lot has changed since High School. We met up with two of her friend and walked the shit out of Brooklyn. If one spot didn't work then we went to some other spot or some other bar. Feet were killing. Shots and cocktails numbed the pain for a bit only to wake up with a hug blister. Rosa with her 6 floor walk up and a closet sized bedroom. Interesting night indeed.
Will write more adventures later. Gonna eat some bomb ass arroz con pollo that I saw in the Bobby Flay throwdown episode. When I meet this arroz con pollo. I'm gonna say. Baby I've waiting for you a long time. Lets make love. LOL. As you can tell my mind and body is running on low battery. Lets continue this later.
I love coming here. This time around I get to spend time with local folks. Michelle and Despo have been kind enough to let me stay at their wonderful condo in Bronxville. Apparently Beyonce and Jay Z have a house that is close by. These two know the key to my heffer heart, as they follow chefs like fashionistas follow designers. They are in the know of what is good to eat, and which restaurant just opened and closed. At a moments notice these two can pick a spot that will fit your palate and your budget. In a town where there is someplace to eat at every corner, I am easily impressed that these two are so in the know.
They took me to Momofuku owned by the famous David Chang. He was featured in an episode of No Reservations, and apparently has a cult following here in NYC. Famous for pan asian dishes without falling in the dreadful category of white washed "fusion" I heard he makes about $300,000 a year on his pork buns alone, which is his most famous dish. Man, once I had a bite. I shook my head. I having a Chinese pork bun made by a Korean and I'm not even mad :) It's that good. His ramen is the closet that I've had since I've been back from Tokyo. He got the flavor and the noodles right. The only thing that was missing was the special hot sauce. Definitely memorable. We went to his bakery after dinner. As if I had any room. His cakes and icecreams are different. Cereal milk flavored soft serve ice cream? It literally tasted like I just finished a bowl of frosted flakes. His chocolate chip cake though... ooooh so good. Yellow cake. YUM. I am now a fan of David Chang.
Friday:
Started with pizza in the Bronx at Jaspers. Flat bread pizza with no sauce. Just garlic and cheese and with herbs, different but yum. Walked around SOHO. Bought a dress that is gonna set me back in my finances, but hey I can't get that dress in SF. Resolution #1 when I get back to SF I need to treat my bank account better. After SOHO went to NYC MOMA which is free on Fridays after 5PM. Ridiculously crowded, but I got to see all of my favorites, Rivera, Kahlo, Warhol, Van Gough, and Matisse. After MOMA went to meet up with my girl Rosa in the East Village. I haven't seen this girl in 6 years, but she is still as energetic and vivacious as the day we first met. I joke that it's weird to see her as this woman with all this sexual magnetism, cussing like a sailor with such New York intensity. Apparently a lot has changed since High School. We met up with two of her friend and walked the shit out of Brooklyn. If one spot didn't work then we went to some other spot or some other bar. Feet were killing. Shots and cocktails numbed the pain for a bit only to wake up with a hug blister. Rosa with her 6 floor walk up and a closet sized bedroom. Interesting night indeed.
Will write more adventures later. Gonna eat some bomb ass arroz con pollo that I saw in the Bobby Flay throwdown episode. When I meet this arroz con pollo. I'm gonna say. Baby I've waiting for you a long time. Lets make love. LOL. As you can tell my mind and body is running on low battery. Lets continue this later.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
So I got the dance piece
It's in my head. Amel Larrieux. Oh boy. Got the chills just thinking about it. Need a dance partner. Damn it.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Top 5 Routines "So You Think You Can Dance"
Since America's Best Dance Crew has been tepid and uninspiring, last night's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance": Nigel's top 15 routines finally brought the inspiration I've been craving.
Here are my top 5 out of Nigel's 15. I wish I choreographed these pieces. I wish I performed them.
#1 Jeanine and Jason:This is my #1 becuase it's the dance about love that I always wanted to do. And.... it's hot.
#2 Katie and Joshua: This is the best modern choreography I've ever seen on this show.
For the most part I really like this show, but often don't have the patience to sit through a lot of the corny or crap choreography. They invite all of these big name choreographers that experiment with obscure concepts, and it often translates into something stupid. Yeah I know I'm a hater. People either like watching these shows with me or they hate it. Sorry I was a dancer before anything else, and I have some strong commentary.
However, out of all the dance shows on T.V. SYTYCD is good at showing the rigor and the capacity that it takes to be a great dancer. They have the best dancers on T.V. hands down. It makes me sad that the winners often go into obscurity, and really make no other impact after the show. They win a whole bunch of money, and then they don't do anything else. I know a dancer is not equivalent to a rock star, but at least its getting to an era where a dancer is more than just the background. Many of the pieces of this show have won or have been nominated for Emmys. I'm excited to see this new era of dance.
Here are my top 5 out of Nigel's 15. I wish I choreographed these pieces. I wish I performed them.
#1 Jeanine and Jason:This is my #1 becuase it's the dance about love that I always wanted to do. And.... it's hot.
#2 Katie and Joshua: This is the best modern choreography I've ever seen on this show.
#3Kayla and Kupono: Addiction. Haunting. Chilling. Brilliant
#4 Mark and Chelsie Bleeding Love: This could have been really corny, but I couldn't stop loving it. I hate this song, but I love this routine. The story line was so clear, and with hip hop it's hard to translate certain concepts. Nigel categorized this as "Lyrical Hip Hop"I don't know about all of that. It's debatable. I took a workshop by Tabitha Duomo one of the choreographers for this piece. She took my breath away, and did the same for this routine.
#5 Danny and Lacey Samba: Samba is one of my favorite Latin Dances. I would say it's my favorite, but I love Argentine tango just a little more. This is my favorite Latin dance routine.
#4 Mark and Chelsie Bleeding Love: This could have been really corny, but I couldn't stop loving it. I hate this song, but I love this routine. The story line was so clear, and with hip hop it's hard to translate certain concepts. Nigel categorized this as "Lyrical Hip Hop"I don't know about all of that. It's debatable. I took a workshop by Tabitha Duomo one of the choreographers for this piece. She took my breath away, and did the same for this routine.
#5 Danny and Lacey Samba: Samba is one of my favorite Latin Dances. I would say it's my favorite, but I love Argentine tango just a little more. This is my favorite Latin dance routine.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Questlove Tuesday
Do I like the Roots? yeah. Do I LOOOVE the Roots? No. At this point some college/backpack hip hop enthusiast will take a spear into and jab it into my eye, and proceed with a tireless lecture. Even as I am bleeding to death through my eye, I still will not LOVE the Roots. Sorry.
A couple of things that I know about Questlove. Obviously, his band. I know he got a thing for Filipino Girls. Well, everyone loves Filipino Girls. *shrug* I went into the night not really knowing what to expect, but I came out LOVING the SHIT out of his set. Tuesday night at 330 Rich provided the vibe, the crowd, and the music that I've been desperately craving all summer. He played that a little of the new and old with effortless transition.
Four rum and cokes on an empty stomach. Bad idea. Jolibee chicken joy with gravy. Not the best idea. Still have some strong feelings about it. I wish it were different. I can't look at you the same way ever again. Homey. Until then I need to resolve in mind that it was not my fault. Forgive. Move on.
Questlove. You opened with PYT. Thanks.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
With <3 Chelle
"When you wake up, I will make you French toast. If French toast is not what you desire, I will find another nationality of toast that suits you. I will not rest until I find this perfect nationality of toast, even if I have to swim all the way to Austria for it. After I find and make the toast, and you eat it, we will freak once more."
Smoove B
I'm on this whole different wavelength today. Sangria, Patron, Coronas... oh my. Lots of thoughts crossing the bay today.
Smoove B
I'm on this whole different wavelength today. Sangria, Patron, Coronas... oh my. Lots of thoughts crossing the bay today.
My girl Chelle quoting me on her Facebook today. God I'm such a hater.
Chelle Roque "I don’t need to hear your feelings in dumb word patterns" - Christina Ying on guys writing poetry. http://tumblr.com/x6j2jzqf9
There are actually two lines of this conversation that are my favorite.
1. michellebroque: "We called him flower as in the skunk in Bambi"
2. Me: "i hate it when guys read me poems. it makes me wanna kick them in the nuts"
Sorry ladies if you like your dudes sappy. Me and Chelle just don't roll like that.
There are actually two lines of this conversation that are my favorite.
1. michellebroque: "We called him flower as in the skunk in Bambi"
2. Me: "i hate it when guys read me poems. it makes me wanna kick them in the nuts"
Sorry ladies if you like your dudes sappy. Me and Chelle just don't roll like that.
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