Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Self Narration


"I'm never gonna be _____"

Once in awhile when my mind is out of sorts I will turn to the big O. No, not orgasm... Oprah.

Keep in mind when I was watching  Oprah's Lifeclass: the Tour: Iyanla Vanzant on Stopping the Pain, I  was super irked about something stupid. At that moment, I was just committed to being mad.

Oprah's co-mentor for the episode, Iyanla Vanzant was talking about how people are committed to their narrative, sob story, self loathing, etc.  It's not real, that's just the story you have made up for yourself.

I have to admit this pissed me off.  I got defensive at a video pre-recording.  I even stewed over it for a couple of days, and it's only now that I fully understand why that quote applied to me. I understand why I got mad.

The mental limitations that I make for myself are defense mechanisms. I never thought I would get what I want. I told myself I would never be in relationship, I wouldn't be loved, and that I was damaged goods. I was committed to that narrative.

If I got anything from that video, it's that a lot of American people do the same thing.  Well,  I'm changing my mind.  The narrative is evolving.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Mute.

I've been blog shy lately.

I started this blog under really different circumstances many years ago.

I would emotionally barf all of my thoughts, neurosis, and musings without any sort of control. Every blogger goes through some of transition, but the even larger change I'm about to face has left me kind of quiet.

When I started this blog in 2009 I had no idea that I would actually pursue a career in writing.

Blogging back then was a means for me to get through a day job that I wasn't happy in.  I've seen a lot of the blog posts that I used to write back then and they make me cringe, but I'm more forgiving and sympathetic to the person I was back then.

I'm grateful to everyone and everything that gave the opportunity to succeed and fail. Every bad post has led up to this moment :)