Philippines 2011

I just got back from the Philippines. This is the fourth attempt to write a proper entry and I can't seem to finish it.

I don't know what to say. Every time I think about Manila I have very mixed emotions, and they are actually really extreme. I either want to throw a tantrum or start an advocacy organization.

I want to adopt every child, every dog, and every cat and start a sanctuary. I want to be aligned with my family and not feel such a disparity in our opinions. I truly want to understand this crazy ass place that is my ancestral home.

I think for the sake of my own sanity, I will let the feelings be. My opinions about the Philippines are not right or wrong. I felt what I felt.

I'm simply not Filipino enough for the Philippines. That's okay. I'm arguably Filipino enough here.

Despite how I feel about the Philippines as a society or my culture. I truly love being Filipino. The Philippines has one of the most inspiring and fearless histories of any colonized country. Filipinos survive in any predicament that they are given starting at a very young age. The importance of family is stressed in the simple nuances of daily life, and it made me appreciate why it is my family is so close. As the U.S. continues in a self centered culture, Filipinos will always exist in a tribe.

I don't know what my connection to Manila will be from this point on. I would only go back to do some sort of work if the opportunity arose. I'm not sure what that could be, but I don't think I can vacation there ever again. I need a purpose.