A therapist once told me that the most crucial time for their practice was around the holidays. Their main focus was to prepare their patients for their crazy families, and the anxiety that occurs in encountering this stressful time. Apparently, I'm not the only one that wants to hide under the covers for Christmas.
Maybe I should find a last minute service trip to Africa or South America just in time for Christmas. There has to be more meaning to this day, and every year I'm stressed out with providing. I have certain family members that are obsessed with the have and have nots, and I could really give a shit.
There's been a lot of dead memories resurfacing. This time it's a healthy. I have to let these ghosts walk around and check out the new space. My head and my heart is not as fragile as it once was. Ugh, but the holidays exacerbate them. My goal is to keep it fun. Holidays are meant to be fun.
When I'm triggered with painful things to deal with, I'm Joel from Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, but in my actual relationships I'm actually Kate.
I wish I could say I was a victim like Joel, and that my only regret was that I left. It's always more complicated than that, which is why we try to forget that it happened.
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