LA Lost

I woke up this morning at 3AM to a couple fucking. They were super loud and obnoxious. It wasn't even gross. You know, like that college awkward gross? It was just funny.

All of the apartment complexes are close together, and there was this collective neighborhood reaction that took place that was beyond hilarity. I heard different sound systems playing music from other apartments to drown out the moaning. I heard dogs barking, people laughing, and tenants upstairs stomping back and forth in frustration and anger.

I could already tell from the sound of it, that this couple wasn't cute. I'm almost positive that they are fat. I've lived with a fat couple before. I know what fat sex sounds like. On top of that. I know what fat and ugly sex sounds like.

I swear to God if I had to work in the morning it would have been a problem.

The inner bitch would have came out and I would have walked up there and said, "Hey I really hate to get in the way of your fucking, but can you please keep it down?"

Then I realized, shit, I live in THAT LA apartment. I have that urban life now, and the safe and quiet confines of my perfect SF Noe Valley neighborhood is no more. I wake up the sounds of sirens, children, dogs, really bad music, and on top of that FAT UGLY SEX.

In the mornings I miss breathing that crisp SF air. I miss my cute and quaint neighborhood where my bank, my groceries, and even my clothes could all be purchased on one street. I miss my cat, my family, and my friends. Ha, notice I didn't say boyfriend? Please, hold back your surprise.

I only miss having a boyfriend when I can't find my car.

There are only two reasons why I need a boyfriend and they have nothing to do with sex. I need someone to find my car and most likely I will not feel like driving it. So aside from finding the vehicle that I don't feel like driving, I love a man that will just drive me anywhere.

The joy of riding shotgun with my arm hanging out the window is immense.

I've had the realization that aside from my longest relationship, I'm not sure which of my boyfriends I was actually in love with. Was I actually in love with them, or was I in love with the idea that our dreams and lifestyles could be aligned? Why is that so important to me?

What is a lifestyle anyway?

Sometimes I wish I was that organizing savage. I'm always envious of that kick ass Asian admin at work, that can predict that her boss wants her to label his tupperware before he even says it. She's the one with best notes and the only person in the room that anyone can rely on. She is that Asian yes girl and could quite possibly be as spineless as a worm, but you know exactly what kind of woman I'm talking about. She can make anything in order. I wish I had my life in order.

I long for years and a future where I'm no longer drowning in my own confusion. I hope to fall in love with man, who will not drive me to move away from everything that I love.

Welcome to LA bootch.