I recently I got an email that made me so angry, I straight went H.A.M (hard as a motherfucker) on the keyboard, and I typed a response that would even hesitate Kanye from interrupting me.
Before I clicked send, I saved draft on a word document and showed it to my roommate (THIS WAS A LIFESAVER).
In all his infinite wisdom and glory, he understood what I was trying to do, but he told me to retype it. I was not presenting my best self. My words were appropriate for a school yard fight, and nothing else.
Once I took fifteen minutes to calm down I got back on the keyboard, represented my point of view, and I walked away carrying on with my day. When I got a response, to my surprise, this person had no idea that I was offended, and even typed a very heartfelt clarification.
I felt like two year old that had just exhausted herself from a tantrum. It was a horrible feeling, I started to cry, because the things I was about to say to this person were cruel and personal. If I had sent my first email I know I would have regretted it.
I have no idea where I learned to fire off in this way. It's gotten me in trouble numerous times, but yesterday, I'm glad that my friend and I were able to redeem ourselves, and represent our intentions clearly. At some point, I will let my friend know how endearing he has truly been, and showing me another reason why I am now 29 and not 21. He's inspired me to share some tips for other other fiery email scribers.
1. Say what you wanna say, but copy and paste it on a word document, and walk away. When you are mad, your best self is not talking to you. Your ego is. Walk away and see the situation for it really is.
2. Be Compassionate. Unless the words, cunt whore bitch, was typed in your subject line, it is most likely that something is not being communicated well, and it's probably not a direct attack on you. When you walk away try to think of EVERY intention of why this person wrote this email to you. If you truly feel like you are being under attack, then let god be with you, and forward me your response!
3. Have a Rational Friend Read a Draft of Your Email. I will fully admit I am the biggest hype man. If you say we are gonna fight, I will run and grab my battle ax, and summon the minotaur. So don't call me to be rational! If you get a rational person to read your email, they will most likely sympathize with your reaction, but they will help you get to where you need to go. If they care about you they will help you minimize your infinite demise, by preventing you from communicating an irrational bitch rant. Remember that emails will be forwarded. If your crazy ass is memorable, then your words will live in infamy in the many inboxes of the people you don't even care about.
4. Draft a Response That Your Grandmother Can Read. If you soften the language it will open a better line of communication. You don't need to apologize or give in. Just take out all of the battle language, cuz it ain't gonna help you. You will lose your job, your friend, and your reputation. I have a reputation for being a jerk, but I don't want to be known as a super jerk. I gotta rep to uphold!
5. Type What It Is That You Really Want. Now Cut That in Half. I'm just gonna be real. Women write too much in emails, and we don't really need to. Unless you casting a spell be concise. The recipient will be better affected if you simply type a rational response, rather than documenting your emotional process. There are some emails I've written where I'm like, damn did I write this in a snuggie with a bottle of wine?
6. If The Recipient is Truly An Asshole. It Doesn't Warrant Response. Sit on that for a second. The best way to get back at an asshole is to ignore all of their bloated nonsense. If it's work related take up with a superior. If it's personal, pretend like you never saw it. Sociopaths love attention for all of the messed up things that they do. Only a sociopath/psycho/deranged bitch/major asshole would take the time to rip you apart emotionally through email. They are overgrown babies that need attention. You are not an overgrown baby. You are fabulous.
5 comments:
HAHAHA - I am loving this. I recently had a fallout with a co-worker. Honestly, I'm not sure what I did. I tried talking to her and her whole attitude was cold. I wanted to send an angry email to her but like #6 advice - it's just easy for her to be angry at me and not be rational. So I won't give her anymore attention.
Loving #5, too so I won't tell you what I ate that day or if I was on my period and how I was feeling right at that moment and time...
I think I am a combination of the rational friend and the hype man. I will always tell you to think twice before doing anything irreversible, but I will also be prepared to tie my hair back and take off my earrings and shoes.
Love you BOOTCH
HAHAHA @lexi920 you need to show me what email prompted #5. They are always hilarious in retrospect, but oh so serious at the time! @aivy.league this is an excellent description of yourself. Oh btw, thank you so much for letting me get drunk on your dime. Love you too!
Good stuff. You are wise, woman.
Nice words, had just written an article of my own, on big words in general. Based in the UK, but wished to say hello. Did use the picture, but suited the soul. Let me know if there's copyright issue, if there's two of us, then there's more.
Best wishes.
Michael David Curley.
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