Today was an anxious day. When I have days like this I usually need a couple of hours to mope, which usually includes reading gossip blogs, some T.V, and perhaps spending an hour staring at the ceiling. You know, crazy girl stuff.
I haven't had one of these days in a long time. Since February my days have been on over drive and I've been walking in a daze. I rarely have control how the days move anymore, and I've been looking for an opportunity to make sense of it all. I've seriously been having so much fun this whole time, but today was a rude stop to the joy.
I can feel the universe's test. It wants to see if I will panic. That's when I decided to read emails that I wrote about five years ago to my boyfriend who I was living with at the time. As I started to read down the letters, I saw that I always in a constant state of panic. I worried about us all the time.
I'm still fucking worried all the time, but at least I have a couple of ways to cope with the stress. Nothing is more important than my own integrity.
I digress. Today was a shitty day, but I finally got my mind back into my body. It's been in the clouds for quite some time now. I don't want to go back to be worried all the time, but a little fire up my ass would do me some good.
positive. reflect. forgive. repeat.
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