No Facebook Day 22

A good friend of mine just had a baby yesterday. I was tempted to reactivate my facebook so that I can see all of her pictures of the baby, but I didn't. It's another one of those habits that I need to break, of only knowing about people's on the internet. I'm forced to be a more proactive friend, and actually ask a person how they are doing, instead of passively knowing through facebook.

I'm very happy for her. She is realizing her dream of being a mother, and I can't wait to smoosh his face Filipino Auntie style.

Yippee!

For the first time in my life, I've been asked to be a contributing writer. Kinda excited.

No Facebook Day 17

Day 16 No Facebook

I'm not sleeping well this week. 4-5 hours usually. I spent most of my day yesterday studying for the GRE. Just with that alone, my brain works overtime. I did my best with my 24 hours to remember fractions, decimals, integers, and vocab. Do you know what the word assuage means? It's means to soothe. Yes, in 24 hours that is probably the only word that I know. My roommate and I stayed up till 3:30AM to watch Mad Men. That probably added the extra turns in my brain before I went to sleep. I'm in the phase where I'm thinking about exit plan from unemployment. My mind is constantly occupied with the future, leaving me fucking restless.

Day 15 No Facebook

Last week I didn't have any withdrawals. It's just weird when I'm out and about, and my usual reflex is to check my phone. However, I'm feeling pleasant and present! It was a blessing to do this. It's provided some extra attention to things that matter, and I'm thankful. I saw a picture of Mark Zuckerburg the other day, and I wanted to punch it. I feel like he found a way to get the world under a cyber spell. I hate him.

Write Like a Motherfucker

As I sort through my emo bullshit, I find any reason to just be a miserable misanthrope.

Misanthrope is my favorite GRE word of the day btw. Moving along.

I took a break from studying, and I came across this really great article today via I, Mami. I've never read this advice column before, but it's been getting a lot of feedback and response from readers.

A woman writer and her most vulnerable, asks the questions that many writers ask in some form, am I going to be okay by choosing to be a writer? My content sucks, I'm this and that, my vocabulary is not up to par, I have too much going on, I'm depressed, I haven't read enough novels, no one loves me, I hate this, etc.

Sugar the columnist tell Elissa, the depressed writer, "If you had a two-sided chalkboard in your living room I’d write humility on one side and surrender on the other for you. "

I don't know if animals have ego. They probably don't, but humans seem to dig their asses in it. Writers find every angle of every emotion to understand, so that they can capture it for their readers. I'm navigating through my days of understanding what I have instead of what I don't. It's a tricky thing to do, if you are already emo.

Everything happens for the reasons that you want them to. It's not your fate for bad or good things to happen to you, but it's your responsibility as a human to pay attention to the events that make your life. This is the most un-Catholic thing I've ever said, but whatever.

Read the whole article. It touched upon my heartstrings, and I'm taking the advice to "Write like a motherfucker."

Day 10 No Facebook

Right now I am Ursala, the Black Swan, the Grinch that Stole Christmas, your crabby neighbor next door, Ebeneezer Scrooge, your #1 hater, the jerk that cuts you off on the road, and miss Mrs. no fun.

This has not been a week of awesome. I'm working on it RWARR!

More Photos From Death of a Player Photoshoot

Photo by: Kelly Kalagayan

Hair and Makeup by: Kat Paule
Photo by: Kelly Kalagayan
Photo by: Ann Borja
Photo by: Kelly Kalagayan
Photo by: Ann Borja

Mission Statement

“PMS Through Art/Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Art” strives to enhance public perceptions of FilAm women’s capacities to lead, change biases against FilAm women’s abilities and serve as an open dialogue among Filipinas of all ages. PMSTA brings up themes that will shine truth that all women are connected and are not alone on their personal journeys here in America. PMSTA aims to inspire women with the courage to break free from the chains of limiting belief patterns and societal conditioning that have traditionally kept women suppressed and unable to see their true beauty and power.

For more info: http://pmsta.wordpress.com/about/

Death of a Player

Please support out kick off fundraiser in SF
Passion Café on Thursday, April 14th from 7-9PM.

For more info visit: http://pmsta.wordpress.com/

Day 4 No Facebook

Today I got some text messages from friends who were trying to tag me in pictures. They asked me if I deleted my Facebook, and were appalled when I said yes. For a second I felt a little sad and left out, but I found that quitting Facebook is like quitting smoking. I can breathe easier.

I miss watching the viral video of the day. I miss the pretty faces of all my friends and family. I miss being connected to people's lives, even if I'm just being a voyeur.

However, I'm a jealous bootch, and I don't want to know about any one's engagements, babies, great jobs, hot boyfriends, great husbands, cute kids, how skinny and pretty you are, and all the other marks of life that I have not encountered.

I'm also a grouchy bootch and I don't want hear about how much you hate work, how your co worker is being a bitch, the pictures of the food you are eating, your stupid check ins at the gas station, your bathroom as backdrop profile pictures, your passive aggressive disses towards other people, or what color your poo is today.

That is my day 4 folks.

A Couple of Changes

Well, it's a beautiful day here in Los Angeles.

My bedroom doesn't get as much light as the living room. I usually do my writing and my work either on the kitchen table or on a TV tray. I decided to move my desk out to the living room, so that it would get more use.

I also updated my dry erase board with things that are going on, what I need to do right now, and also my goals for the future. I did it to manage my brain.

Things are happening, you are moving towards something, and you you have goals. These are things that I want to tell myself everyday.

In an instant, I have managed to make my life very busy. The work couldn't have come at a better time.

In the next three months I'm taking four classes. All of which are an investment into my future. It was my best solution to relieving my anxiety about the future and I'm really looking forward to the busy storm that is to come.

Last week I spent a lot of time deleting past entries, and triggers, that spark depression. This action alone, has been a huge relief to my soul. It's so easy to be stuck, and I can't say that I found the solution for it. The body has a way of getting used to sadness and yearning. It drives me crazy.

I have a lot of hope for the future. It's just me. I have to be my best company.

Day 2 Without Facebook

I feel like I've cut off my right hand.

A friend of mine shared a study about how 33% of women under the age of 34 check their Facebook before they go to the bathroom in the morning. I never checked it before I went to the bathroom, but definitely before my morning coffee. Wait a minute, that is before the bathroom.

I had no idea how addicted I truly am. The colors. I miss them. The light blues, beiges, and whites were so comforting to my eyes as I logged on 30 time a day. Every time I get on my lap top, it was second nature for me to log on the Facebook, but now I can't and I have to figure out something to do.

This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted something else to do, so even though I've cut off my social network of a right hand, I've created more time to write and to work on my goals. It will get better. Keep going.