Image via: Bicoastal Bitchin
Are you an Asian female who's reminded that she's fat, skinny, losing weight, gaining weight at every family party? Perhaps you were confronted with a scenario where a female family member noted that you were fat and gaining weight, and then proceeded to shove an enormous plate of food in front of your face.
There is a glare on the other side of that plate, even a look of earnestness and approval. So what do you do?
Do you inhale the three delicious helpings of Kare Kare so that your Auntie insensitive will not cry if you don't eat it?
You probably will, because its worth the comfort. You just got called fat. Sure why not, get the extra rice. In fact, grab a fried pork chop while you are at it. Shit, where is THAT cake? Oh there's ice cream? Pile it on!
As much as Asian women use food for approval and comfort we are so quick to call each other fat, the minute someone's body no longer has the silhouette of a 13-year-old boy.
Unlike other cultures, Asians are not accustomed to seeing their families only twice a year. We see them all the freaking time. And as customary as a "Hello," someone is there to tell you the status of your body. You think you have "Thick Dumpling Skin" until you are told you need to lose weight.... from five different family members.
I myself, have punished myself on countless diets and then fell a part at a family party. The spread of fried meats, egg rolls, noodles, makes me feel like a lion set free. Besides, being on a no-carb diet is just ludicrous. I mean the most Asian part about me is that my blood flows with the help of noodles and rice. And hello, stir-fried was not invented by white people so why the hell should I not eat Bon Chon fried chicken!
Hyphen magazine did a great article on Ada Wong, who was a runner up on the weight-loss show The Biggest Loser. Upon reading the article they highlighted a blog called Thick Dumpling Skin. The blog's two founders Lynn Chen and Lisa Lee both talk about their own issues with eating disorders. I was deeply impacted and relieved that two speak about these issues within our culture. In fact, as I'm writing this, I'm devouring a pork chop as we speak.
"Oh you are just too sensitive!" Yeah.. probably. However, these comments cause eating disorders, and just to let you know, people with eating disorders have an earlier death rate than the asshole told them they were fat.
Unless you have inherited the "Asian Metabolism," which is arguably rooted in poverty, farming culture, and possibly war-stricken stress, these issues probably strike you to the core. I would gather that these issues are why an Asian person's relationship to food is rooted in safety and comfort, and not having enough food on your plate would send you in a hunger stricken panic.
It is very American to lament about eating too much food. Whereas many of our relatives experienced famine and war, which could be why our family is so bent on have so much food. Food is beautiful and social. It's such a joy to be around my family and we are all eating, because we take pride in cooking well and being together.
I think every single woman in my family has had a bad day with their body, and even warded themselves before seeing oversea family member. There is an anxiety about being called fat, when you are culturally supposed to be skinny. Fat is a very broad term for Asians. Maybe the rest of American has accepted a size 8, but for Asians that's obese. I'm not sure how issues of body dysmorphia can be addressed in a culture that doesn't even see it. Skinny is the norm, why wouldn't you be a size zero?
We can argue for days about how eating too much is not good, but how about we talk about how snippy fat comments are detrimental? The healthy/unhealthy choices of women are rooted in self esteem. I'm not going to let my daughter, boothebootch Jr, eat a whole bucket of KFC, but damn it. She's not going to be in this madness. I want her to fit other stereotypes such as getting my taxes and finances straight. I'd rather she be a Dr. Boothebootch Jr and not a size zero. See, i'll be a great mother.
My relationship with my family hasn't changed. We are still as close as ever, but it's important that my relationship with food is evolving. Food is beautiful and it brings people together. Asian people shouldn't have a bad relationship with food, it's one of the most beautiful aspects of our culture.
I'm very grateful for Lisa and Lynn and I hope that you all get a chance to follow their blog.
Now eat!
